Crack Cocaine Cake
Yes, it’ll kill you. You just won’t care!
Crack Cocaine Cake – for serious cheats!
Preheat oven to 350 F. Line oblong cake pan with foil, then grease or spray with Pam.
In a big bowl, beat together until fluffy:
1/2 cup soft butter (salted, the usual kind)
2 large or jumbo eggs (3 if they’re small or medium eggs)
1.25 cups white sugar
1 tbsp vanilla (the real stuff, of course, and I really do mean a tablespoon. I use tons of vanilla)
In another bowl, stir together:
2 cups flour (don’t tap the cup to level it – always scrape off the top with a knife. Flour settles.)
1 level tablespoon baking powder
Dump the flour stuff unceremoniously into the big bowl along with 1 cup of
milk, at the same time and all at once. Mix until lumps more or less disappear, but no more.
Cake batter should seem just a tiny bit loose – if in doubt, add a couple of tablespoons of milk.
Dump into pan. Bake for 20-30 minutes – I always underbake slightly – just
until a finger pressed lightly into the top almost springs back – probably about 25 minutes, but your oven is different from mine. I find it tastes best when it seems like it’s just about a minute UNDERCOOKED.
Take cake out of oven, and slip temporarily out of pan onto counter so it stops cooking.
ICING: (you can start making the icing while the cake bakes, since the icing
can go on the cake while the cake is hot. Saves time.)
Nuke until bubbly, about 3-5 minutes, depending on microwave:
1 unpacked cup golden sugar
1/2 cup whipping cream
1/3 cup butter
( take it out after about a minute and give it a good stir, then put it back in)
When bubbling, and the brown sugar seems dissolved, take it out, and immediately dump in some vanilla (see note above regarding vanilla use) and about a cup or so of icing sugar. Might be closer to 2 cups – I never measure.
Beat the hell out of it. Mixture should have the texture of thick gravy, because it is hot – it hardens up a lot as it cools.
Nuke about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of walnuts until hot, but not brown – just enough so that they are fragrant. (about a minute or so, depending on your microwave). Chop as finely or as coarsely as you like.
Dump chopped walnuts into icing.
Put cake back into pan. Dump icing onto hot cake, spread around, and let it cool.
This cake WILL kill you. You just won’t care.
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I worked out the macros on this abomination.
With a third of a cup of walnuts in the icing:
Whole cake:
cals…….5639
fat………..210g
carbs…….900g
protein……65g
For one piece, based on 24 little pieces in an oblong pan:
cals……….235
fat……………9g
carbs………38g
protein………3g